What Is Esteemity All About?
Why I Built This
In 1988, shortly before my 30th birthday, I was suffering from a dark and oppressive depression which was the result of a lifelong struggle with fear and anxiety.
I had been a smart boy, athletically inclined, some would even say talented, but I was almost always an under-performer. When the chips were down, it seemed like I never got the hit, won the race, completed the pass, got the A…you name it.
Whatever the objective, I felt like I was never smart enough or talented enough to deliver.
My parents had to force me to participate in extra-curriculars, leagues, choirs…anything.
When they asked me why I didn’t want to participate I would reply, “Because all the other kids will laugh at me.” I’d stand on the sidelines, aching to join in with whatever was going one, but I’d almost always choose to do nothing rather than risk embarrassment. Fear virtually always ruled.
I always thought I wasn’t worthy.
It was remarkable to me. How could everyone around me seem so confident? I had no idea how they did it.
“What’s wrong with me,” I’d wonder. Something had to be wrong with me, right? It was the 1960s, and not knowing any better my parents would reply, “Ohferchrissake, don’t be ridiculous,” further cementing my growing belief that I was somehow less than.
Other areas of life that weren’t about performing per se triggered anxious feelings as well. Things like:
- not having my shoelaces tied so the loops were even on both sides
- having a gap between the leg of my trousers and the top of my shoes
- having uneven folds on my lunch bag.
"I just thought I was crazy."
They have names for all this stuff now, but at the time, I just thought I was crazy.
And that was the key to my motivation in creating this. When I was growing up, you couldn’t find this information unless you were an academic. Experts were not readily available and usually involved referrals to professional practitioners whose fees were well outside my parents resources.
The internet has made this information available, but not in a way that is useful to the common person.
This website is an aggregation of all my reading and study on philosophy, psychology, social psychology, behavioral economics, emotional intelligence, religion and spirituality. I did a lot of searching for a stable but flexible, enduring solution to my question, “Why am I not rising to meet life’s challenges adequately?”
This website is the result of all that searching, testing, and practicing of all that information.
Why am I not rising to meet life’s challenges adequately?
It connects dots between ancient wisdom and modern research. It connects dots between theory and practice. It provides guidance, solutions and training to help you tame your fears, excessive worry and anxiety. It will help you build excellent habits of mind.
Those new habits of mind will serve your growing confidence, and create a new ability to envision bright futures for yourself. Those habits will also power your new sense of courage as you venture out into the unknown toward your best and highest purpose, and your best possible future self.
Is Fear, Anxiety Or Panic Crushing You?
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